American Pie hotties Jason Biggs and Mena Suvari star in a college romance written and directed by Clueless’ Amy Heckerling, featuring Greg Kinnear, Dan Aykroyd and the Date Rape Drug. To be honest, there’s nothing to dislike in this movie -- but precisely because there was nothing to dislike about this movie, I felt like I was watching the Bizarro Planet version of a Tom Hanks/Meg Ryan/Nora Ephron romantic snorefest.
Paul (Biggs) is a poor kid from New Jersey on scholarship to a school that isn’t NYU, but looks just like it. Paul just doesn’t fit in because he’s got moral fiber and a red flannel hunter’s cap. By contrast, his roommates were born of privilege, therefore they are druggies who use Rohypnol purchased off the Internet to score with the ladies.
Dora (Suvari) is a poor kid from the Outer Boroughs who attends the school that isn’t NYU with Paul and works as a cocktail waitress at a strip club, where her moral fiber gets in the way of selling drinks, therefore she is fired. Dora is also clandestinely dating cocksure Professor Edward Alcott, who refuses to let her stay with him. Destitute and homeless, Dora looks for a job and a place to crash, but instead finds Paul.
Paul is a really nice guy. Therefore, Dora pats him on the head and skips back to Alcott, a real asshole. However, you can’t fight the third act resolution, no matter how hard you try, and, through an obligatory montage of fond remembrances, Dora realizes that Paul is the absolute ginchiest.
There are numerous obligatory montages in the film, even some that seemed like an homage to The Graduate -- and even used “Scarborough Fair.” Loser is by-the-numbers, so unthreatening and inoffensive, that I felt completely threatened, my sensibilities thoroughly offended.