Ain’t nothing skinny about that ass
NAME: Jennifer Lopez
ANAGRAM: Jeez, Elfin Porn
ORIGIN: July 24, 1970, The Bronx
SECRET ORIGIN: Along with Rosie Perez, Jennifer got her start as a flygirl on In Living Color.
ACCOLADES: ALMA Award, Female Entertainer of the Year 2000, Outstanding Actress in a Feature Film in a Crossover Role for Out of Sight, Outstanding Actress in a Motion Picture for Selena, Golden Glove nomination, Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture - Comedy/Musical for Selena, MTV Movie Awards nominations, Best Female Performance for Out of Sight, Best Kiss for Out of Sight, Best Breakthrough Performance for Selena. People Magazine “50 Most Beautiful People in the World” 1997.
TELEVISION LOST EPISODE: South Central as “Cashier at the Co-op.”
FORGOTTEN FILM CLASSIC: Blood and Wine with Jack Nicholson and Michael Caine.
NEXT ON THE PLATE: Sci-fi thriller The Cell.
BLACK BOOK: Puff Daddy, with whom she’s been arrested.
SECOND CAREER AS: A pop siren (1999’s On the 6) and club owner (she and a handful of others own The Conga Room in Los Angeles.)
MOST VALUABLE ASS-ET: Jennifer’s famous posterior is insured for $300 million.
SIX DEGREES OF WILLIE AAMES: Jennifer Lopez heated up the screen in Out of Sight with co-star George Clooney… who transitioned from TV star to movie star with Batman & Robin which introduced the character of Batgirl, portrayed by a womanly Alicia Silverstone… who was decidedly more girly but no less a woman in The Crush with Humbert Humbert-esque Cary Elwes… who took over the duties of The Dread Pirate Roberts in The Princess Bride, which was directed by Rob Reiner… whose father Carl Reiner recently starred in The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle with Jason Alexander… who played the mean hotel girl in Pretty Woman, which, of course, contains the infamous bathtub scene with Richard Gere… and Willie Aames.