Sunday, January 9, live on television, the People’s Choice Awards are presented to the films and stars that The People (as opposed to The Academy or The Hollywood Foreign Press Association) select as their faves of the year.
Being a People myself, I’ve second-guessed what my peeps will choose come the anxiously-awaited moment each envelope is opened and the vox populi is heard. Thomas Jefferson would be proud.
Favorite Motion Picture
1) The Matrix
2) The Sixth Sense
3) Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace
Winner: The Sixth Sense
Reason: Everyone loves little kids… even when they see dead people. The Matrix would come in a close second, because everyone loves kung fu hot chicks in leather. Star Wars: Episode 1 - The Phantom Menace comes in a distant third because of a bad title and Jar Jar Binks. Meso nothink meso nowin nopublic favor because meso nocompletely annoying.
Favorite Dramatic Motion Picture
1) The Blair Witch Project
2) Double Jeopardy
3) The Sixth Sense
Winner: The Sixth Sense
Reason: Everyone loves little kids… even when they see dead people. The Blair Witch Project scores the second spot because nausea doesn’t win awards. Double Jeopardy trails in third because baseball season is over.
Favorite Comedy Motion Picture
1) American Pie
2) Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me
3) Big Daddy
Winner: American Pie
Reason: Nostalgia, nudity and Natasha Lyonne. Number Two: Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me, which brought midget comedy back in vogue. Honorable Mention: Big Daddy. Everyone loves little kids… but the summer was only big enough for one little kid.
Favorite Motion Picture Actor
1) Bruce Willis
2) Harrison Ford
3) Mel Gibson
Winner: Bruce Willis
Reason: He was in The Sixth Sense. Trailing far behind are both Mel Gibson and Harrison Ford, who made Payback and Random Hearts this year, neither of which were memorable.
Favorite Motion Picture Actress
1) Sandra Bullock
2) Meryl Streep
3) Julia Roberts
Winner: Julia Roberts
Reason: She was actually in a movie this year. I suppose technically Bullock was the star of Forces of Nature and Meryl Streep was the lead of Music of the Heart, but Runaway Bride ran away with huge box office numbers. Meryl Streep comes in second, just ‘cuz.
Favorite Motion Picture Star in a Comedy
1) Eddie Murphy
2) Adam Sandler
3) Robin Williams
Winner: Adam Sandler
Reason: Everyone loves a little kid…even if he’s a thirty-four-year-old-man. Eddie Murphy takes second because he was actually in two comedies (Life and Bowfinger) this year and was funny in at least one. And Robin Williams is disqualified because he wasn’t in a comedy this year and wasn’t funny in the comedies he wasn’t in.
Favorite Motion Picture Star in a Drama
1) Kevin Costner
2) Harrison Ford
3) Bruce Willis
Winner: Bruce Willis
Reason: He was in The Sixth Sense. Kevin Costner was in the movie apparently written by a caveman For Love Of Game that no one went to see while Harrison Ford was in the movie apparently written by a man who wants to kill his adulterous wife, Random Hearts that no one went to see.
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