Sunday, January 14, 2007

Mom’s the Word 05.03.00

The greatest kernel of advice I ever got about anything was from my mother who said, “Maybe if you leave your room once in awhile, watch something other than karate movies and stop listening to that Jethro Tull guy, you might actually meet a nice girl.”

Well, firstly, Jethro Tull is the name of a band, not a guy, Mom, and secondly, I, of course, didn’t heed her advice. And I now watch karate movies for a living, and I own solo albums from that Jethro Tull guy and the last nice girl I met was a thirty-four-year-old laundromat clerk addicted to frozen Coke slushees.

Listen to your mothers!

Even in the movies, perhaps especially in the movies, mothers dole out the best advice. They may not be sought out first as mentors -- there are too many wizened uncles wearing that role on their sleeves and fathers turned evil by the dark side -- but the guidance of movie moms is just as important.

See if you can determine in which films these tidbits of matronly advice were uttered.

“Right here, in this life, you get reincarnated. You change.” UNHOOK THE STARS

“Life's a box of chocolates, Forrest. You never know what you're gonna get.” FORREST GUMP

“Why don't you stop being a bitch, for let's say an hour, and I'll not knock the religion of your choice for a week.” MERMAIDS

“Beginnings are scary. Endings are usually sad, but it's what's in the middle that counts. So, when you find yourself at the beginning, just give hope a chance to float up. And it will.” HOPE FLOATS

“You can't stop change any more than you can stop the suns from setting.” STAR WARS EPISODE 1

“Do you know what you want? I mean, from him? Then tell him now. And leave this lopsided house. Do not come back until he give you those things, with both hands open.” JOY LUCK CLUB

“All men are alike. The approach is different; the result is always the same.” PEYTON PLACE

“All women have a garden, and a garden needs a big hose to water it... or a small hose... as long as it works.” NOW AND THEN

“I love you boys. Now go hide the body.” MOTHER’S DAY.

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